Unexpected Feelings - Lingess
by RulerOfAllThatIsEvilChiFlowers
Summary: Two friends and their unexpected feelings towards each other. A Chicago P.D. Inspired FanFiction. Lindsay/Burgess #Lingess
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 - Feelings**

Now at the vicinity of her comfort at her desk in the 21st District, Erin started to realise that there was one person lingering in her mind for the past week. It was like a lightbulb had popped up in her head and now she understood what her heart was trying to tell her.

It is that person she thinks about whenever she opens her eyes in the morning and closes at night. Thinking back, each and every time she closed her eyes, it is that person she sees. She cannot feel this way. She cannot jeopardise their friendship; she respects her too much to do that.

Why on earth was she feeling this way?

And to a girl?

She have never felt this way for a girl before. It feels different.

This somewhat foreign and unfamiliar feeling towards her friend, _Kim Burgess_ , was eating her alive since last night. As they talked, laughed and hang out last night at Molly's with Jay and the rest of the team, all she wanted was to kiss those beautiful lips of hers. She shouldn't feel this way. She didn't want to.

Picking up her phone, she looked to see who have texted her.

 _It was her_.

Her heart started pumping harshly in her chest while somehow the bullpen seemed to be on fire.

 _Oh my god! What's happening to me?_

She was turning crimson red by just reading the message.

 _[Thanks again for the ride. Last night was great! You're a great friend!]_

"There it is; she sees me as a friend." she said, explaining to herself. Her face scrunched up into a frown. That explains everything. She doesn't have to feel this way anymore. Now all she has to do is forget about _Kim Burgess_ , to avoid her pretty eyes. At least for a while she has to. Until this, whatever she was feeling goes away.

But how can she?

They work in the same building.

"Who are you talking to?" asked Jay.

"What? Wasn't saying anything." said Erin in her defense.  
"Right…" he knitted his brows, not believing him. But he simply shrugged it off. She could be talking to herself.

"Hey, wanna grab dinner tonight? Then we could go over to my place...the rest is self-explanatory" Jay said smiling at Erin.

That grin.

That face just makes her want to kiss him, right then and there.

 _Wait…_

 _Two of her friends?_

But Jay is kind of, sort of, more than just a friend. Their status have not been define quite just yet.

"Not tonight. I have plans with umm…friends."

She didn't want to hurt him with whatever conflicting feelings she has with Kim. She had to sort out her heart before they could continue with what they had started.

"Ok. You have friends?" Jay laughed and braced himself as she threw a punch on his shoulder.

"Not funny, Halstead." she said with a hint of annoyance.

* * *

2 weeks have passed now. Erin was very much distracted all week and was trying her best to avoid Jay, avoid Kim, avoid everyone for that matter. She have been for weeks now.

Whenever she was asked to hang at Molly's after work, she would decline. Whenever Jay was at the break room, she would turn back around. Whenever Kim was at the scene of a crime, she would not give any eye contact or any indication that she knows of her presence. She knows she might look stuck up but that was how things are supposed to be.

She shouldn't be developing feelings for her.

As time, days passed, her fondness for her friend bloomed. The emotions, the lust just grew stronger. She can't stop thinking about her. Kim Burgess was in her head 24/7. She both hate and love this feeling. And it, she, was taking a toll in her health.

She haven't been sleeping or eating much lately. Just drowning her feeling alone in her apartment.

Jay wasn't stupid. He have noticed her acting weird. She haven't been talking much to him anymore. She never stop by at his place anymore. And every time, they would be somewhere together, just the both of them, there was a giant elephant in the room.

Hell, everyone noticed her acting stranger and was worried whether she was back to her old ways. She looked like hell - eye bags, messy hair, and pale skin.

She just looked horrible.

"Erin. My office!" Voight shouted as Jay went back to his seat from his office.

Her heartbeat rang in her ears as she glared at Jay.

Did he say anything to Voight?

She haven't done anything wrong, have she?

"Yeah?" said Erin as she walked into his office and closed the door behind her.

"Erin." he said with a sigh as he put his pen down on top of the pile of paperwork in front of him.

"Is everything alright? Am I in some sort of trouble?"

"You look terrible." he stated. He went straight for the punch, "Are you using again? If you are, just tell me." Voight glared at her, his eyes filled with fire that she hadn't seen in quite some time.

"What the hell! No! I'm not on anything! I kept my word, Hank!" she burst out in anger.

 _How dare he!_

Just because she haven't been herself lately doesn't mean she's using.

Just because she have been under a lot of stress and pressure, doesn't mean she's using.

"Great. Then you wouldn't have a problem taking a test." he said nonchalantly, taking a cup from his desk.

"A test? No way! What the hell Voight! I said I'm not on anything. Isn't my word enough?" She protested.

"Not since the last time you gave me _your_ word. You have 2 choices here, Lindsay.  
1\. To take the drug test, 2. To give me your gun and badge and figure yourself out." said Voight as a matter of fact.

"Did Jay put you up to this?"

Was this his revenge for not sleeping with him, for not giving him sex?

Is that all she is to him?

"Take the test, Lindsay."

She grabbed the cup and ran out.

"I want it by the end of the day!" he shouted as she left his office.

"I'll give it to you now since that's what you want!"

As she stormed out, the rest of the Unit stared at her. All eyes were on her and she felt vulnerable. But most of all she was pissed at Jay. That explains why he was at Voight's office all morning.

"What!" she shout and hurried to the bathroom.

* * *

Erin returned with the cup, bursting into his office as she threw the pee-filled cup at Voight. She was hoping that the cup would accidentally open and spill all over Voight. At least she'll have a good laugh.

"Now, you can see that I'm telling the truth."

She wasn't worried; she knows the test would come back clean.

Storming out of the office, she stomped back to her desk. She can feel Jay's eyes piercing through her; she didn't want to look at him. He must have been the one to put such thought in his head. She sat back down, trying to calm herself, trying very hard not to explode at Jay, trying hard to look anywhere but at him.

Jay went over to her. She's mad at him. He knows she is but he just didn't know why. "Did I do something wrong?"

 _God! The nerve!_

She simply ignored him, pulling out a random file off her pile and pretended to study it.

"Erin." he pulled the folder out from her hand, wanting to know why she have been so distant.

"Don't. Don't you dare touch me." she shouted in a whisper, yanking her hand away from his grasp. She was well beyond pissed. He's pretending like he doesn't even know why she's so angry at him.

Does he think she's that stupid?

"You told Voight that I'm using again." she spat.

"Whoa…I didn't tell him anything." Jay said in his defense, holding his hand up. She snickered. Like she was going to believe that!

"In fact, I was covering for you."

She laughed bitterly. It really isn't like he cares. They were just partners. Nothing more, nothing less.

"What's going on, Erin? I know there's something you're hiding." he said softly.

"You know what, Jay. Stop pretending like you care about me. Cuz we both know I'm just a girl you use for a good time. We fucked and that was that." she said that last sentence louder than she had anticipated, causing heads to turn.

Blinking rapidly, her choice of words astonished him. She definitely wasn't a girl to use for a good time. She's his partner and girlfriend.

Jay stared at the girl, his girl, in front of him. His mind knew that she didn't mean it but somehow that didn't rely to heart.

"Hey! You two," Olinsky called, "Get back to work or take it outside!"

* * *

Half past seven and she've already had enough of this awful day. She needed to go back home. So she turned off her computer and walked down the stairs, heading for the locker room.

Kim was still very much in her head. She hated herself for feeling this way. She can't understand it. She hated Jay for…She can't ever hate him. She's just mad at him.

But was she really actually mad at him? Or was she just mad at herself?

The guilt she felt for feeling this way.

Sighing deeply, she pushed the doors to the locker room. She's going to go home, drink a beer or more and go to bed. Yap, that was all she really needed in life.

But the sight before her caught her off guard, she stopped in her tracks as she was passing through one of the aisles.

Erin could feel her heart in her mouth as stared at her like a deer in the headlights.

Stop staring! Stop staring!

But she could. What was before her was breathtaking!

Kim was changing out of her uniform when she walked in. She didn't thought there would be anyone walking in.

 _She's just so beautiful._

Her brunette hair – loose and flowing down her shoulders. She was wearing nothing but a bra that matched the colour of her skin.

Their eyes locked for a moment longer than they both cared.

"To hell with it…" Erin said under her breath as she practically ran to her half-naked friend and grabbed her by the back of her neck, instantly locking lips with the other brunette, throwing her back harshly against the cold metal of the locker.

She couldn't believe what she was doing.

Here?

In a locker room?

At the station?

With a girl?

Kim Burgess?

She smile when she heard a moan escaped Kim's lips when she traced her tongue over the curves of her mouth before slipping in to meet hers. She pressed against her hips while Kim slid a hand down her back to cup her behind.

Erin wanted this for weeks and now her dream came true. Here she is, _Kim Burgess_ , against the locker of their workplace, touching her, exploring her, coming to terms of this feeling that she never thought existed.

* * *

 _ **Hey guys! Here something different! Not a Linstead fanfic but a Lingess! I know some people have strong mixed feelings about these two. But I hope you all will like this story! Thanks for reading! Please review and let me know your thoughts!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 - Thoughts**

 _Oh. My. Eyes. What the fuck is happening?_

Adam blinked and blinked and blinked. He had to make sure he wasn't hallucinating, that he wasn't actually having a nightmare. Though watching two girls make out, watching his fantasy entice right in front of his own eyes, was a jaw dropping experience. He just couldn't believe that it was Kim and Erin. Both whom never showed any inkling of liking the same sex, let alone each other.

 _What happened to Jay and Erin?_

He knew they weren't 'official' but it was obvious that they couldn't keep their eyes off each other. It wasn't rocket science; they just were really bad actors.

As he was walking to the locker room, knowing very well that Kim's shift had ended, he wasn't expecting to be watching a porno of two of his colleagues.

 _Who would?_

He had wanted it to be spontaneous like he hadn't actually planned to pop into the locker room hours prior. But he did and he waited. Following behind as Lindsay stormed down the stairs.

Adam and Kim had been broken up for about 4 month now. Within the span of 16 weeks, they haven't talked at all. But with the occasional awkward 'Hey' and 'Hi'. Everyone around them just wanted to shoot themselves when they watch that happen. Adam knows she's trying her very best to avoid him in every possible way. And he too was avoiding her.

But as he opened the door to the locker room, a bang resonated as he heard what sounded like the locker door being closed shut. What he heard next freaked him out.

Loud moaning. Kim's to be exact. He knows her all too well like the back of his palms.

As he peered through one of the aisle, watching as Erin's body was firmly pressed against Kim's, as their mouths hungrily feasted one another, their hands rubbed and groped everywhere and anywhere.

Jay came out of nowhere and was now right next to him. He must have creeped up on him while he was watching his fantasy unfold."Hey, man. What are you loo-"

* * *

He swore his heart stopped beating at the sight before him. Watching them, Jay wasn't sure how he felt. He wasn't sure whether he was shocked or hurt. Frozen in place, he wasn't sure if you ought to pull them apart or stand there idly.

Jay watched as Erin switched off her computer and turned around to grab her coat that hang at the back of her chair, saying goodbye to everyone but him.

"Bye, Erin." he said but she didn't even look his way, pretending like she didn't hear him and continued to descend down the stairs.

"She'll come around." Antonio said, reassuring him.

He nodded. He wasn't too sure anymore. She seemed really adamant and convinced that it was he who gave Voight the idea that she was using again. He was scared; she've never been this mad at him before.

Knowing that he needed to straighten things out with her today or else he wouldn't be of any use tomorrow, he practically sprinted down the stairs after Ruzek headed out.

"Hey, man. What are you loo-"

It all made sense as to why Erin have been so distant recently. She didn't want him anymore. She've moved on. Her heart isn't with him anymore. He's too late.

 _Is this a one-time thing?_

This must be.

 _Was this just an experiment_?

They must be experimenting. Erin doesn't like girls.

 _Does she?_

His head was pounding, his heart was sinking, and his hands were shaking.

The last question just broke his heart into pieces. He fell for her the moment he saw her. It was love at first sight. Though a cliché, it was the truth.

That day, his first day, at the station as Voight introduced him to his new team, his eyes were only fixed on Detective Lindsay. She was wearing a black leather jacket that paired neatly with her caramel hair that flowed in waves to embellish her glowing, creamy complexion. Her eyes, framed by long lashes, were bright, forest green and seemed to lighten the moment she caught his eyes.

 _She's perfect._

At that moment, he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Somehow now his fantasy seemed so lost, so doubtful.

They've been 'dating' for over 2 months. Hiding their 'relationship' was the hardest part. Not being able to kiss her, hold her, just crushed him. Everyone in Intelligence knew or suspected they had a thing. Voight had warned him early on that Erin was off limits but he just couldn't control his feelings. The heart wants what the heart wants.

After all they've gone through - injuries, Voight, her spiraling out of control - he stood by her, he waited, he stupidly thought it would make them stronger.

But it clearly hasn't. They've never been so distant.

As he watched his love kiss another woman, her hands in unspeakable place, he couldn't take it anymore and ran away. With Adam following close behind.

* * *

Kim's chocolate eyes opened wide and she just stood there, unsure of what to do. This wasn't just one of her dreams. This time, it was real. It's reality; she had just pinched herself and felt the sting.

 _Was Erin Lindsay really kissing her?_

As she felt her tongue desperately prying into her mouth, she let out a soft moan as she willingly opened her mouth, colliding her tongue with Erin's.

She've dreamed of this for months and was afraid to let the detective know of her true feeling, afraid that she would turn her down.

After just a few minutes of kissing Erin, Kim was nowhere near ready to stop and was going to make sure her friend knew exactly that. As she quickly examined the empty locker room, glad that _no one_ was watching the show, Kim managed to flip their positions and pin Erin up against the locker. She gasped into her mouth, just as quickly as Kim's lips found her neck, licking and sucking at all her sensitive areas.

Erin moaned and her eyes rolled back as she stand with shaky legs, Kim's lips working her neck, and her hands trailing down her shoulders to her breast.

The only reason why she seemed to know what she was doing, even when _this_ was her very first time with a girl, was because she've had one too many dreams that involved getting down and dirty with the detective.

She slid her hands under her shirt, smoothing her skin that erupted in goosebumps, and lightly rubbing her thumbs over her. Erin moaned again, a little louder this and wrapped her arms around her neck.

 _What the hell are you doing, Erin?!_

"Kim…" Erin moaned, and tried to gently push Kim off of her.

She wanted this, she knows she does. But something doesn't feel right.

 _Was it because she was kissing a girl?_

No. She had kissed a girl way back in high school. They were playing a stupid game of 'spin the bottle'.

 _Was it because she was kissing Kim, who was supposed to be just a friend?_

No, not really.

 _Was it because of her conflicting feelings for both Jay and Kim?_

Yes. Definitely.

Her brain was telling her to stop but her body was a whole other story.

"Kim. Stop." she moaned into her mouth once again and she reluctantly pulled back.

Fears

Both their eyes were wide with terror.

 _Gosh, you did not just did_ that _, Kim? You did not just act out your fantasy and scare her off._

"I'm sorry, Kim. I, ahh, I gotta go…" Erin stuttered, coming back to her sense as she turned around to head for the door, stumbling a little on her weakened knees before practically running to her car.

 _What mess have you gotten yourself into, Erin?_

* * *

 ** _Hey guys! Thank you so much for reading! Let me know your thoughts of LINGESS! Do you like them together or not? Anyway...leave a review!_**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - Confusion**

More than a week has past now since the incident at the locker room. The incident no dares to speak about. Not her. Not Kim. Not Adam and definitely not Jay.

Speaking of Jay, he have been oddly distant lately, ignoring her to be exact.

She doesn't now why.

He's not trying to beg her for forgiveness like he would when she's mad at him and to be honest, she absolutely miss the attention.

 _Did she push him too far?_

She had texted him a couple of times after work but she never got an answer.

 _Not once._

At work, he would only act professionally - no flirting, no banter or secret kissing in the break room.

 _Like they would._

She had even asked to grab a drink after work or to come over to keep her company in her cold cold apartment but he kept giving her excuses.

 _"Can't. Having dinner with Will."_

 _"Sorry. Made plans with Adam."_

 _"My phone must have died."_

 _"My phone's on vibrate."_

 _"I was in the shower."_

 _"WHY YOU GOTTA BE SUCH AN OVERBEARING PYSCHO BITCH?!"_

His words from last night rang loudly in her ears.

 _He called her a bitch!_

Yesterday, they had their first argument/fight as a whatever they are called. A couple?  
Harsh words were not the only things thrown at each other. It was more like a one person job. While he apologised for calling her a bitch, she wasn't having any of it and continued to lash out as she threw a couple of glasses, books and a chair, just a chair, at him before storming out of his apartment.

She knows she wrong but he knows she has a temper. So basically, they're both at fault.  
Of course, they were both cranky since they hadn't slept for 3 days. 36 hours filled with caffeine, the only ingredient keeping them awake and alive. 3 days straight without any sleep can only result in mania.

 _Voight ought to be blamed for her behaviour last night._

Now at the bull pen, she sat at her desk with a cup of coffee, her head resting on the table. She was still exhausted, having only 3 hours of sleep last night. The majority of which were filled with tears. Angry and confused tears.

She's confusing herself. Jumbling her affections everywhere. Never did she likes feelings. It's unnecessary and problematic.

It's causing her more problems in her life than it should.

She's conflicted with feeling for both Jay and Kim. She wants Jay and she too wants Kim. Jay and Kim. But she knows she can't have them both. She doesn't know what to do.  
To pursue her affection for Kim, something that's thrilling, new and different. Or should she just stay with Jay, whom is her comfort, and smile.

He doesn't really make her smile anymore.

At the break room, she heard a voice curse, she smiled knowing whose voice that was. She took a sip of her coffee as he stormed out.

"Why'd you finished all the sugar, Erin? I bought a new pack 3 days ago!"

"No. I didn't." she said, gaving him a sly smile. She loves messing with him when he's angry.

They're basically bantering children.

Shaking his head, "You're crazy!" he said, walking away. Not wanting to start an argument with her in the station.

He has to be the bigger person.

He has to take the high road.

He's not petty like her.

He's hurt.

He glared at her as he walked to his desk with the cup of sugarless coffee.

She probably laughing her head off right now.

He doesn't want to talk to her anymore. Since they never actually labelled themselves 'together', he shouldn't be feeling betrayed.

 _Right?_

But he is and doesn't know if he should confront her. He still loves her.

"Wow! What happened to your pretty face, man?" Adam said as he walked up the stairs to the bullpen with Antonio.

"Got into a fight?"

"You can call it that." he said, glaring squarely at Erin who was minding her own business.  
Right now, she peeked from her computer to look at Jay. He has a pretty nasty looking bump on the right side of his forehead.

She feels awfull now but she was just so angry.

 _What happened to us?_

A few months ago, they could barely even keep their hands off each other, couldn't stand being without one and another. Now, everything seemed to be falling apart. He doesn't seem to want her as much anymore and she as well.

They had waited a long time for this and now it's going to waste. She can't help but feel a sense of regret for pushing Jay to wait for her.

 _She had fallen for someone she shouldn't._

May be she ought to explore this thing with Kim.

"Kim." she sighed and her mind looped in circles with the thought of the brunette in uniform.

Back at the crime scene, Erin caught the sight of her as they were entering the scene. Her partner, she can't quite recall his name, and her were by the yellow tape, guarding the crime scene.

 _Should she just say hi? Or should she ignore her?_

She couldn't even look her in the eyes. What happened last week just kept playing right before.

Her breath on her skin, her soft soft lips caressing hers; just the thought of her is making her insane horny.

 _How the hell is she going to talk to her without desperately wanting to drag the tip of her tongue on her appealing clavicles?  
_ "Good morning, Detective Lindsay." she said with a smile that lighten up Erin's terrible morning like a Christmas tree.

"Good morning, officers."

She regarded the both of them but her eyes were only set on her.

* * *

Kim and Roman were now on their way back to the station after checking up on a lead for Sergeant Voight.

Her mind and body were anywhere but in the squad car. Lately, she can't seem to focus on anything other than Erin.

 _Erin._

And she knows exactly what it meant.

She's falling for her.

But with her running off like that she wasn't too sure if she had felt the same way.  
Since their kiss last week, they haven't talked about it at all. Just pretended like nothing had ever happened since she's afraid of embarrassing herself.

 _They were afraid of the truth._

Roman had been her partner ever since Atwater was promoted to Intelligence. At first she was skeptical about him because Adam was. But now as she's gotten used to him, she couldn't be happier.

And with Adam not feeding lies into her, she can actually see that he's a pretty good partner.

As he drove, he went on and on and on about cars like he always do.

 _BMW, Benz, Ferrari, Simon Cowell's multimillion dollar Bugatti, blah, blah, blah..._

Everything he's informing her on was flying part her. She wasn't listening and couldn't care less about god damn cars.

Pretending to be listening, she mumbled ever so often and nodded at him.

She rested her head on the window with a goofy smile plastered on her face.

"Wow! What was that? You looked possessed."

"What? Stop staring!" she exclaimed as her cheeks turned crimson red.

"Who were you thinking so happily about, huh?"

Roman can't help but wonder.

Her eyes wide, Kim's utterly embarrassed. She didn't even know she did that.  
"What? No one." she laughed nervously.

Knowing Kim can't keep a secret from him, he simply replied. "Alright. If you say so."  
Kim cleared her throat and squared her shoulders. "Really, it's no one."

She's never been a great liar.

 _She's sweating, stuttering, acting all defensive, classic signs of a liar._

"Fine! I kissed Erin!" she blurted out loud when she couldn't take the heat of the pressure anymore.

There was a moment of silence for Roman to process what she just said. "Who's Aaron? I don't think I know an Aaron."

"Not Aaron. You idiot! ERIN. Erin Lindsay!"

Another few seconds of silence filled the air until it registered to Roman.  
"Oh! You mean Detective Erin Lindsay!...A girl."

She nodded. "Yes. A girl."

"I didn't know you like girls."

"Well, I didn't know either. I don't know what happened. One minute we're talking, the next, all I wanted was to kiss her. I...just couldn't stop thinking about her."

He parked the car by a convenience store to play safe.

"You couldn't stop thinking about kissing her?" Roman looked at her like she's crazy.  
Kim threw her hands up to her defence and said "Well, she wanted to talk in the locker room, she had something to tell me but she wasn't talking. She was blabbing! About I don't know, I wasn't listening! And I just thought here's my opportunity, and her lips were just there...so yeah."

All Roman did was laugh.

"You girls over think things! You make small issues into big ones. Just relax. It was just a kiss."

"Yea! With Detective Erin." she said and burried her head in her hands.

Knowing Kim was really serious and confused with her emotions, Roman wants to be a good friend and help.

He put a hand on her back and said "Ok. I can see that this is really stressing you out, so I'm gonna try and help. Ok?"

She nodded.

"When did this happen?"

"Over a week ago. But I started to feel something...weeks back. I don't know if she likes me back, Sean. I mean we haven't talked about it yet. I guess we're both afraid to bring it up." she swallowed deeply as she began to fiddle with her fingers.

"Wait. Simple question. Did she kiss you back? Was she, umm, touching you?" he shuddered, feeling awkward to even think about the both of them.

"Yap! She did! I remember she had her hands-"

"It's ok. I don't need the details, Kim."

"But she could have just faked it, you know, for my sake." she said in a sad tone.

"Oh. My. God. What's up with girls over thinking things. If I were you and Erin kissed me back, instantly I would think she likes me. It's just that simple." he snapped at her.

"That's cuz you're a guy. You've got nothing better to think about!"

They laughed.

Kim's hands flew to cover her face again.  
"I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love with her. It's too soon right? I just got out of a relationship, I was engaged and now this."

Truthfully, Roman isn't surprised by Kim's feelings. Erin is a very pretty woman. Not only that, she's tough. All qualities that makes her very appealing.

At the beginning when he had just started working in the 21st, he had the tiniest crush on her. But that obviously would never work out.

 _He's way out of her league._

Although both ladies are total opposite, it made sense.

Erin could be closed off and emotionally distant at times due to her rough upbringing but she also isn't somehow. She cares a lot about everyone, her family, friends and she won't stop until justice is served for victums. She is selfless and courageous. That's what makes her special.

On the other hand, Kim is an open book. She talks a lot. She can be a bit awkward and strange at times. And she doesn't quite know how to handle her emotions but she's also badass and real tough.

 _Hell! She saved his life more times than he could count!_

Roman took a deep breath, "Ok. Here's what I think. You're confused-"

Kim interrupted, "Seriously? Is that all you got? You think I don't know that already?"  
"Wait. Gosh, Burgess! You didn't let me finish."

"Sorry. Continue." she said slyly.

"I think you're confused. You just broke up with your fiance whom you thought you'll spend the rest of your life with. Now, your engagement is off, obviously your heart's broken. You were at a vulnerable and fragile state. You needed someone and who was there for you? Erin...Erin was there for you at your lowest. She helped pick up the pieces. So, in my opinion, you're probably confused with love and admiration."

Silence filled the squad car as Kim just stared at him with wide eyes, not knowing what to say next.  
"So basically, I'm confused. That's what you're saying."

"Yes."

"That's a load of crap! Come on, let's get going!"

After that weirdly awkward talk, Kim is now even more puzzled but all she knows is that they ought to have the talk today.

* * *

As Voight was giving a brief on the case, Erin was sitting on her desk, listening. Or she was trying to keep her head in the game. Until her phone buzzed.

She picked it up and saw that she had a text.

Her heart pounded violently and a smile etched across her face as she saw who it was. She was about to type her reply when Voight caught her.

"Lindsay! You got something to share?" he said, raising a brow.

Everyone in the bull pen, including Jay, was staring at he and she can feel her face getting hot.

"Ahh. No. Sorry Hank." she replied and put her phone down.  
After the brief, she texted back and just couldn't wait for her day to end.

* * *

 _ **Reviews are appreciated!**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

As Erin entered the restaurant, the butterflies in her stomach were fluttering ever so lightly. She haven't been this nervous for something so simple in a very long time. Besides she haven't really been on dates in quite some time.

Jay doesn't really count since they were partners and really good friends before they became whatever they are.

 _A couple?_

She suppose it's what they're called.

 _8:30pm_

Kim had texted her earlier in the afternoon to meet up for dinner and she couldn't have been happier. Ecstatic even. She was beyond excited since it was a breath of fresh air over her horrendous day.

Jay wasn't speaking to her.

Voight was making her do months of paperwork she hadn't finished filing.

And most of all, the case they were handling. The awful murder of an eight year old boy because of some stupid gang turf war.

It was cold and brutal.

Standing there, by the entrance, Erin felt slightly embarrassed for the way she's dressed. _Underdressed_. She came straight from work, thinking it would be a great idea.

 _What were you thinking?_

Kim had picked the restaurant and she really didn't think it to be this fancy. Though it was not the 5-star kind of fancy, it was fancy enough for jeans and flannel shirts to be stared at unpleasantly.

Self-conscious was the word to describe how she's feeling inside as she looked at her reflection on the glass door.

She should've at lest put on some lipstick since she definitely looked to be sick.

 _Kim!_

Looking across the hall, she can see her. _Breathtaking_. She's now waving at her with her long skilled fingers and she walked towards the awaiting table.

"Oh goodness!" She said under her breath.

It was only then that she realised that Kim was wearing a red dress, a fitted red dress with just enough cleavage to surprise her.

 _Stop staring!_

Swallowing hard, she managed to wobble over to the table. Kim kissed her on the cheek and gave her a wide smile, appearing genuinely delighted to see her.

She hadn't really noticed that Kim has a very pretty smile.

"Hi."

She sat down, facing her. She's mesmerized of her beauty. Brown hair, brown eye, full lips, smooth skin. _She's perfect_. Especially with the beautiful dress on, make up, light and soft yet highlighting her big doe eyes.

"Sorry. I came straight from the station. I look like crap." Erin said and tuck strands behind her ears. "I didn't know it was this fancy!"

"What! No. You...you look beautiful." Kim smiled and rested a reassuring hand on hers.

She laughed nervously, "Well, what can I say! You look incredible!"

"Thanks." Kim giggled and blushed.

They were both giggling like schoolgirls at this point.

They place their napkins on their lap.

"You ready to order?" Kim asked.

Erin nod. "Yap. I'm freaking starving. You have no idea!"

As she was so nervous for tonight, she literally hadn't eaten anything part twelve this afternoon. Not even coffee since that she just further fuel her agitation.

They both ordered - a steak for Kim and chicken for Erin. They then managed to fall into a conversation.

At first, they discuss their time in the academy and how it was like. Erin told her some stories of when she was a beat cop while Kim shared her experience of when she was a flight attendant.

"How was high school like?" Erin asked.

Knowing Erin's childhood history and sensitivity of such subject, Kim tried not to gloat.

Sipping from her wine glass, "Umm...high school was ok. You know high school. Nothing special happened."

"Oh c'mon. Don't lie to me Kim Burgess! I'm sure you got everyone drooling over you!" Erin made such assumption with a teasing tone and cocks her head to the side.

Sitting across from her, Kim grinned. She doesn't know what to say really. But she's really is pleased with how they've fallen into a relaxed conversation without any awkwardness.

"I'm sure everyone were after you." Kim replied.

Erin nearly spat out the wine she had just drank. "Ha! No way! I was hardly in school! And when I was in school, I was either drunk or high. Everyone knew me as the junkie and no one really wants to be involved with a troubled kid, you know."

Seeing that Erin was open and comfortable in talking about her past, she too think she should do the same.

Shrugging, "I was a huge math nerd, geek, whatever. Checked all the boxes of a stereotypical nerd. Braces, check. Huge glasses, check. Horrible sense of fashion, check. Bullied, check...I prided myself on learning as many numbers of Pi as possible."

Erin laughed, "Pi. Like the _three point something, something_ , Pi."

Kim nodded, hiding behind her wine glass with a checkup grin.

"Ok then, Miss Smarty Pants. Tell me. I wanna know!"

"No. You don't!" She wiggled her finger.

"Come on." She pleaded, "Please. Pretty please." she touched the smooth surface of her arm and felt as though time had stopped ticking.

"Fine...3.14159265359 blah blah blah. This is so embarrassing." she buried her face in her palms.

"That's kinda adorable." Erin laughed and rest her hand on Kim's. "...sexy too."

They blushed through the night, touching one another ever so subtly. By the end of the night, both of their skins were on fire, throbbing in deep, hard excitement.

X

After they've finished their meal, Kim paid the bill even though Erin very much wanted to. Kim just wouldn't let her.

Adamant, "Next one's on me." Erin said.

Kim gave a quick laugh.

 _There's a next time!_

Once they were outside, they started walking along the pier, heading towards Kim's apartment. It was just a few blocks away so they thought why not.

The weather was excellent for an evening stroll. Cool and quiet. But truthfully, it was more so that they could spend more time with each other.

They walk side-by-side in silence, listening to the quiet night and cool wind's breeze.

Erin's head was spinning with thoughts of Kim and there's a throbbing in between that to be honest, really shouldn't be there. Not yet anyway.

 _Sexy._

She never thought in a million years that she'll ever understand what men have to go through.

Kim slowly moved her hand towards Erin's ever so slightly, until she can feel her fingertips brush against hers. She let her fingers slip into hers and they both could feel the heat of their palms against ones skin.

She squeezed her hand, and Kim squeezed back with a smile.

Now, they've managed to walk 2 blocks from the restaurant and all of a sudden, Kim burst out laughing.

 _What's happening?_

They stood there, fingers intertwined.

For a second, Erin didn't understand why they've stopped or why she's laughing until she grabbed her shoe, resulting in her standing with only a shoe on.

"It broke!" Kim explained, a level of disbelief in her tone.

"I can't believe my heel actually broke. God! Out of all the days, 365, why does it have to be today?!" She screamed, clearly upset.

By now, there were dozens of eyes on then due to Kim's outburst.

"Kim. It's fine." She reassured her, kneeling beside her.

"No, it's not!" She exclaimed before hopping towards the rails.

"Our date's ruined!"

"Date?" Erin smiled and cocked her head to one side, standing only inches away now and for once her hair was brushing against her shoulders.

"Well, yea, I hope it is." she said uncertainly. Suddenly she just doesn't know what to do with her hands anymore so she simply had them on her sides as she heart hitched against her chest.

Somehow in a split of a second, Erin's fingers were tangling in her hair, eyeing on that delicious spot in her clavicles. Tugging hard enough on her hair, she nibbled on the crock of her neck and she swore she heard Kim whimper.

"I. Really. Really. Like. You. Kim." she whispered in between nibbled, trailing up onto the silkiest of skins on her jaw.

Then their mouths were fused and she pressed her body into hers like her life depends on that very pressure.

They both know people passing by are clearly staring and judging, repulsed at their innocence. But they didn't give a damn. All they wanted was to hold each other here.

Pulling back, Erin chuckled, "Uh, Kim?"

"Mmhm?" she mumbled against her lips. Craving for more traction.

Erin slip one of her hands off her body, sticking out into the air around them. "Is it just me or is there water dripping from the sky?"

As soon as she finished her sentence, raindrops started pouring. Erin took her hand in hers and they ran while Kim held onto her heels.

They ran and ran, with not a care in the world. They can feel all eyes on them as their giggles and laughters echoed through the street.

They finally reached Kim's apartment and they both were soaked. Standing by the door, Erin burst out laughing, then Kim as well.

"I look just as horrible as you now!"

Erin, shocked, she smacked her shoulder with the back of her hand "Hey! You said I looked beautiful!"

She smirked, wiping the patches of drops off her skin, "You do. You look very sexy too."

Kim lifted her chin with the tip of her fingers until her face was uplifted towards her. She closed her eyes and their lips barely touched. She very subtly and softly brush her lips against hers, "I really like you too, Erin. I really do." she whispered.

 _She really does._

They both do not know where this would lead to but all they know is they're willing to take it to the next level.

* * *

 _ **Another update for you guys! Reviews are very much appreciated.**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Now that Erin and Kim had finally admitted their intent feelings for one another, now that they're together, Erin has another dilemma - Jay.

 _Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. Sweet and understanding Jay._

She sighed. He maybe a saint but at the end of the day, he's still only human.

He's not, he's never going to forgive her for this because to him they're more than just friends (with benefits). And he's never going to understand whatever _this_ \- she and Kim - is.

She doesn't know how to tell Jay and it scared the crap out of her to do so.

 _But what was she so afraid about?_

 _His reaction?_

Not really. She knows he'll be mad nonetheless. She's ready for that.

She just...she doesn't want to hurt him. She've been leading him on for so long with what she thought was love for him but, come to realise that it may just be that he's great in bed, and the fact that she has stronger feelings for Kim...everything just became so real now.

But either way, she already has hurt him.

 _Should she tell him?_

She owe him the truth. And she will tell him; she's going to tell him that she's seeing Kim.

 _Kim Burgess._

This morning, they - Erin and Kim - went to work together for the first time. It's a good thing that they work at the same building.

Kim had picked her up from her apartment since it was on her way to the station, and handed her a coffee - the way she liked it. _Black._

Taking a sip, she can still hear the sweet tang of her voice and how it made her insides tingle as she stared deeply into her eyes.

"Good morning beautiful!"

"Good morning. And thank you for the coffee." she said, leaning over to kiss her.

 _Cinnamon._

She brought her fingers to her lips, remembering that Kim tastes like cinnamon.

They were both deathly infatuated with each other - the first stage of every relationship. At this point, this stage, the first of every relationship, they couldn't get enough of the intense lust and an uncontrollable urge to be together every single moment. To Erin, it feels like she's high on drugs, the only other time she felt this way.

 _Kim was her drug and she's craving her._

Since her fight with Jay, they haven't been in good terms, they were distant and awkward around each other and it definitely didn't go unnoticed with her colleagues.

 _Well, she works with a room full of detectives, so of course they've noticed._

The undeniable chemistry they once had, is now slowly fading away.

"Lindsay, my office." she heard Voight call out, snapping her out of her thoughts.

As she walked towards his office, she stopped to wonder whether she've done anything stupid today but nothing came to mind.

"Yeah?" she said, standing by the doorway of his office.

"Come in. Have a seat." his voice was low and gravelly. Face, stern and unmoving. Like always, which shouldn't bother but it kind of did.

She've always wondered why his voice sounded like that, like he swallowed a handful of gravel.

 _Was it due to an accident?_

 _An operation?_

 _Too much shouting?_

 _That's it. He shouts too much._

Slowly, she took a seat, still trying to reel a reason out of her brain. Nothing.

"Is everything ok?" she asked, absolutely puzzled.

"I don't know. You tell me?" he replied.

 _Ok._ Now, she's really confused. He asked her to be here and for a reason too. So, why the hecking heck should she know why he called her into his office?

"Tell...you what?" she asked wearily.

She really hasn't got a clue.

Putting down his pen, he looked her in the eyes, "You and your partner." he simply said.

 _Jay?_

"Jay and I? What about _us_? - Oh, there's no _us_. If you're wondering." she quickly added with a nervous laugh.

There really isn't.

"I'm not stupid, Erin. I may be old and ancient, but definitely not stupid. I know you're involved with him." he said, nodding his head like he always does when he's making a point.

"No, seriously. I being truthful here, Voight. There's really nothing going on with Jay and I. We're not dating. I promised, remember?"

This time, isn't like all the other times because this time, it is the truth. There really isn't an _us_.

"Oh, c'mon. Don't give me that bullshit. You're lucky I didn't have him transferred." He was now looking into her, giving her that stare, the ones he does in interrogations.

There was a moment of silence before any of them said anything. She couldn't bear the 'silent third degree' anymore and just let it out.

"How'd you find out?" she asked feeling her face turn red.

"Well. First off, I've been in this business twice us long as you. Second, you're my daughter, I know you. Third, remember when I let you move back in your apartment?" he said without any emotion in his face. She still doesn't know whether he's mad or not.

Looking at lap, she just nod.

Right now as Voight talked to Erin, he reminisces of when she was younger. When they were both younger. Without all the deep seated stress lines.

Looking down at her lap, he remembered of the time when he got mad at her for getting involved in a fight at school that nearly got her expelled. The only reason she wasn't kicked out of that Prep school was due to the fact that he's Voight and of course he pulled some strings.

A lot of strings that involved a lot of donations to the school board.

"Next time, you should really lock your front door..." he leaned back on his chair and continue the 'silent third degree'.

Erin felt her eyes widen and jaw drop in shock as he said those words.

"Huh?" That was all that could come out of her mouth.

"Huh. That's right. That's how I felt. Speechless." Voight continued since he knew this was making her uncomfortable. He wanted her to learn a lesson and to have a little fun out it as well.

"I stopped by to check on you, like a good father. Then, I heard shouting and banging and things crashing. Really odd sounds actually. So I let myself in...because I thought you were in trouble..."

 _God! He was so wrong!_

"Well, let's just say I saw clothes that shouldn't be there, on the floor. Heard things..." Voight took his time telling her the story, torturing her with embarrassment in the process.

As he opened the door to Erin screaming that night, he wasn't expecting anything of that nature.

Plaid shirt that looked familiar. Jeans as well.

 _Where did he saw them?_

At the bullpen.

What he heard was way worse, actually.

 _Oh, god! Jay! Oh!- Don't stop!_

It was Erin's voice, pitched and high. Like he've never heard before. And never want to ever again. It was an unpleasant experience, to say the least.

At the moment, he wanted to beat the crap out of Jay for doing things to his daughter. But fought the urge to as he knew, deep down, Jay's probably the best man for his daughter.

He have seen the way he looked at her and even though he isn't a 100% down with them being together, he never was with any of her boyfriends, he knew Jay was okay. He is an excellent cop that respects his job and a brave soldier that risked his life for his country. He's better than all the other men she had dated in the past, so he thought of giving them a chance.

"Ok, ok Hank. I get it. Thank you very much for not keeping that to yourself." she said sarcastically and sparing herself from further details.

Voight had practically walked in on them. She's too embarrassed to look at him right now.

"Are you mad?" she asked him, sounding like a little kid in trouble.

She is in trouble.

"Well, of course. You lied to me, Erin." he said with disappointment.

"Sorry. But on the bright side, you don't have to worry about that anymore!" she said trying to reassure him.

"Why?"

"Umm, I'm planning on ending things with him. Tonight actually. It, him and I, you know, felt like a great idea but now...not so much." she shook her head.

"Oh. Ok." Voight was very surprised to hear that and continued, "Just make sure it doesn't affect your job. Both of yours. No drama in the pen. My advice, rip off the bandaid as quick as possible. If he gives you a hard time, starts threatening or hurting you, don't be afraid to knock him out or call me, I'll do more than just that." Knowing what Voight's capable of, she's not sure whether he'll actually kill or hurt Jay.

 _Maybe just to the point of killing him._

"Hank. You know, he's not like that. Jay's a good guy. He would never hurt me."

"Then why are you ending things with him?" he raised a brow.

Wanting to move on and get out of this conversation, "Ok. This father-daughther moment is getting really weird for me. I'm just gonna leave, ok." She smiled nervously, got up and walked to the break room to clear her head.

* * *

Jay has always been the kind of boyfriend who loves to plan romantic and spontaneous surprises to show how much he loves his girl.

Not talking to Erin for weeks have just made him feel bitter and alone.

 _That's not him!_

He's thoughtful, caring, loving and amazing.

And every good adjective there is that could describe his personality.

He thought of putting all their differences aside, being the bigger person and probably ignoring the fact of the incident he witnessed in the locker room, was what brought him here, to the now, to the present.

He's just a few blocks away from her apartment.

It must not have meant a thing since it doesn't seem like anything had happened to the both.

It could very well just be an experiment.

 _Denial._

Walking into the lobby, he has a bag of takeout from the Thai restaurant she loves so much and can't ever get enough of. Even when every time she's done eating, she'll be complaining that her stomach was aching.

 _Well, don't eat so fast!_

He'd say.

 _But it's so yummy._

He also brought along with him a bunch of horror movies for them to watch because, well, she loves them.

That's why he _loves_ Erin.

 _Did he just say he loves her?_

Well, correction, that's why he _likes_ Erin so much.

All of his exes had never liked horror movies. They would prefer cheesy romcoms or chick flicks. He really thinks he've seen all there is. He probably have watched all of Katherine Heigl's movies.

Although he sees why those shabby movies are appealing, he wanted a change, someone who's a risk-taker and fearless. And Erin was just that. That's one of the reasons why he _loves_ her so much.

 _Did he just say the L-word again?_

He _likes_ her so much.

Likes. Not loves. He thinks.

He regrets not talking to her for weeks and he hopes she feels the same. He knows he overreacted but he just couldn't help it. He was broken and lost.

He stood at her door, ready to knock but he was so nervous. He felt like his heart's going to explode. Like he was on their first date. He closed his eyes and mentally prepared himself.

 _Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale._

Just then, the door to her apartment opened. At the same time, he open his eyes, wide, not expecting to see her just yet.

"Jay?"

Surprised to see him, she crinkle her brows.

"What are you doing here?" she asked nervously.

"Oh. Are you headed somewhere? Cuz it looks like you are." He looked at her attire; she's dressed.

"Oh, umm, I was actually going to see you." she said.

She was on her way to break up with him and, great, he's now here.

"Perfect. Can I come in?" He then held up the takeout, showing her that he's got her favourite food.

And she nodded, assuring him inside.

 _She has to do this!_

 _She can do this!_

As he put the takeout on the kitchen counter, she mentally prepared herself. Reciting the speech she had prepared o day to him.

"I thought may be we could eat then watch a movie or something."

"Yea." Erin mumbled from across the room.

She threw her bag on the couch and walked slowly to the kitchen. She doesn't know what to do now, that Jay was actually here in her apartment.

She kind of, sort of forgotten the speech she had mended for herself, cursing at her incompetence.

She's not going to tell him. Not today. She had no speech prepared. Not anymore.

"Erin."

"Erin?" Jay called out louder when she didn't respond a handful of times ago.

"Huh?"

He must have been talking all this time.

"Is everything ok, babe?" He took her hands in his and said "I know I was a jerk for how I treated you. I know I shouldn't have and I'm sorry. I didn't mean a word I said." He then leaned forward to kiss her but she stepped back.

 _Oh she didn't mean to. It just happened._

Clearly confused, Jay raised his eyebrows. She pulled her hands out of his and stuck them into her pockets. "What's happening?" he wondered, his shoulders slightly hunched, his voice smooth and quiet.

Erin looked down at her feet, words not coming out of her mouth.

"Erin. What's happening?" He demanded with his voice shaking and heart sinking like the titanic.

Still staring down, she managed to say, "Jay."

And with her tone, he knew what was to come next.

"Oh no, no, no, no!" He threw his hands up in the air, frustrated. He turn around to hide the fact that he's tearing up. He doesn't want to give Erin the satisfaction of seeing him cry.

Jay had been dumped in previous relationships but this, this was new for him. He's never felt like this before, never cried this much for anyone for a matter of fact. He doesn't understand why he's crying.

 _Be a man Jay! Stop crying!_

"Jay. I'm so sorry." She pleaded as she put a hand on his back, he simply shook it off.

"Don't touch me!" He shouted and dissolve in tears.

Standing there, frozen in shock, Erin can hear him cry and it just broke her heart further.

She've never seen him cry before, she feels so horrible right now. All she wants right now is to take it back, go back in time where everything was simple and easy, just her and Jay. But she can't, she can't deny the fact that what she's feeling for Kim isn't real.

She's selfish, she knows that.

 _Selfish._

Breakups are never easy.

Just then, she noticed the tears streaming down her face.

Trying so hard to not cry but failed, "Jay. I'm so sorry...you're a wonderful guy and..."

He rolled his eyes in disbelief, he can't believe she's giving him the breakup speech. He doesn't want to listen to this but he just couldn't help himself, he has to.

She continued, "...I love being with you and for the past months, I realised I've never been happier... but-"

 _But! Great! Here comes the but!_

Perplexed of what she's saying, he couldn't hold it any longer, "But what? But what, huh?!"

The sudden rise in his voice took her by surprise.

Turning around so he could look her in the eyes, "After all we've been through, I waited for you, I listened to you, whatever you need, I was there for you! And now? How could you do this to me Erin?!" Waving his hands around, he viciously runs them over his face, exasperated.

Realistically, Jay should have known better. Things only run smoothly for so long. And they were going so well for the past months. In his entire life, Jay couldn't recall ever being so happy. Erin checked every box, even the ones he didn't know existed. He should have known better than to get so invested so early in the relationship.

"Jay. It's not you, it's _me_." She managed to crack up as her eyes well up with more tears. It pains her more to see him cry.

Jay cursed under his breath. "UGHHH! Oh my god! Did you just gave me the most cliché breakup line? I can't believe you!"

Offended, Jay's fist thrust the nearby wall, just hard enough to make a decent sound which startled her.

"Jay. But it's the truth. It's got nothing to do with you. You're perfect. Any woman would be lucky to have a guy like you."

"But I don't want any girl..."

In response, Erin ran her fingers through her hair, wanting to stop this. "Jay, we don't make this harder than it already is."

"What? I'm making this harder?! You're seriously making me the bad guy here!" he shouted once more. Realising the level of his temper, he stepped back to compose himself, to contain his anger. He's tired and feeling defeated. He doesn't want to fight with her anymore.

Erin frowned, taking a step towards him, the distance shrinking between them. "Jay. I...just need some time to myself."

Jay, now, couldn't contain his angry anymore. That's a lie! She just lied to his face. He knows this whole shebang isn't because she wants some down time to herself.

"To yourself? Hah! Really? Or with Kim?" He's furious now. His cheeks were flushed with colour, as are the tips of his ears.

"What?" Her jaw dropped.

 _How'd he know?_

The face she was giving him at this moment tore right through him. "Don't act all stupid, Erin! Yeah. I know all about your fling with Kim! So don't lie to me!"

To Jay, he felt like Erin had loaded a gun with bullets and fired at him, in his chest that now, seated his broken heart. He knows there isn't going to be an us tomorrow.

"I'm sorry Jay. I didn't mean for it to happen...I don't know. I never meant to hurt you." Her voice broke.

After weeks of denial and unspoken feelings, Jay knows he has to pry the answers he needed out of her. "So it's real? The two of you?"

A moment of silence filled the air.

"Yes." she finally answered. Her eyes turned away but her shame was crystal clear.

Torn about how to respond, Jay didn't provide the filter in his head much time to process before he says what he said next. "You've been cheating on me with that bitch!"

He knows he shouldn't have said that. Now, there's no turning back time.

Looking at him, she furrowed her eyebrows and roughly poked at his chest. "Hey! Call me a bitch, not her. This is between me and you! Not her! She didn't do anything wrong! It's all me!"

 _She's innocent in all this._

"Oh. So now you're defending her?"

"Well. You were being unfair! She has nothing to do with this." She yelled.

Jay just absolutely can't hide his annoyance anymore. "Are you seriously hearing yourself Erin? How can you say SHE has nothing to do with this? You're leaving me for her!"

Biting her tongue, he can tell she has to physically stop herself from crying. "Jay. How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?"

"Sorry won't fix what you've done Erin...You know what? You're right, you're the bitch!"

 _Ok, she deserved that._

"Yup. You're right, you're a bitch and a lying, cheating whore!" He continued. Her head snapped up sharply, nearly breaking off from her neck in order to glare at him.

As desperately as he wishes to take back that seethed statement, he knows he can't. That would just be too easy. And life, life's nothing without a challenge. He absolutely regretted his words the second he blurted it out.

For a moment longer than he's comfortable with, she stared at him, leaving him feeling as though he might be falling off a cliff.

 _He just called her a bitch and a whore, all in one sentence. Well, he has no filter._

"You know what, Jay. Stay away from me." She ordered, in disbelief of all that's transpired.

"Since I'm a bitch and a lying, cheating whore like you've described, I wouldn't want to force you to do something you wouldn't want to."

And then, in one swift movement, she's across the room, swinging the door open angrily.

"Erin..." He attempted to reach out for her, but fought the urge. Knowing that it won't make a difference.

With her feet were planted firmly on the ground, she's waiting for him to move.

"I'm not kidding. Get. The. Fuck. Out."

Even though her expression remained strong, her voice cracked a little bit.

All at once, standing there, she looks fierce and vulnerable at the same time.

 _This is it._

His heart has shattered into a million pieces, he doesn't want anything more than to go home, get wasted and forget all about this night.

"Fine." he threw his arms out in surrender and walked out the door. Not long later, he heard her door slam shut.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Erin Lindsay rang her bell just past eight on a Tuesday evening and it's somehow, _she doesn't know why_ , but it's more shocking than if she'd shown up in the middle of the night.

 _Oh wait!_

She knows why - Erin's drunk.

 _Drunk!_

"Do you have this? Cuz I'm all out!" she asked at the door, holding up a bottle, which Kim knows she had helped it all to herself.

 _Alone. By herself._

A barely 115 lbs petite woman vs a litre of clear distilled liquor.

She hopes that's not vodka but she knows that it's Erin's choice of poison. And absolutely wished she had not just finished that in one sitting but she must not have since she's still standing.

One hand flew up to grab her, pulling her into her apartment. "What the hell, Erin! You're drunk. How'd you get here?"

 _How did she get here?_

She thought.

 _Hmm..._

"I hope you didn't drove out here."

 _Did she drive?_

"No. I walked." she bolstered like she just had a brilliant idea.

"You what?" Kim exclaimed.

She walked all the way here. And all-the-way-here isn't just a few blocks away.

She's gone out of her mind.

 _What happened now?_

She's drunk which means something happened since she always drinks way too much when something happened.

"Alright. Alright. One foot after the other. C'mon now, Erin." she held her by her elbow when she began wobbling slightly, guiding her to the bathroom.

"So, you wanna tell me why you're drunk, Erin."

Erin chewed on her lower lip and shook her head, wincing the ache of her throbbing skull.

Kim didn't pressure her about why she's here, figuring that it has something to do with her mother. _Bunny_. Like most of the reasons to her being drunk out of her mind. She've seen Erin in this state before and now being her girlfriend, she's going to help her through it.

They were almost up the tiny steps to the hallway towards the bathroom, "Careful, Erin. Mind your ste-"

Erin finished the sentence for her by slipping on a step and plunging face first onto the ground.

"Erin!"

Kim reached down, wrapping a hand around either biceps, trying to haul her off the ground. But couldn't since it's all just water weight now, so instead, she kept her on the landing.

"Baby, are you ok?"

She nodded and she examined her to see that she was unscratched.

 _Who knew being drunk can cushion any fall!_

"Ok, Erin. Get up."

 _She's not barely 115 lbs anymore._

Now, Kim was wrestling her to her knees, or trying to, at the very least, when they both slip and she found herself falling, hair fanning around her face and the sudden soft weight of Erin collapsing on top of her.

This might seem cute and adorable to a third party and it would, if she wasn't reeking of alcohol.

"Erin!" Kim struggled underneath the weight of her, she's not exactly heavy, not exactly large, but it's the fact that she's soft and squishy and she's _everywhere. They're_ just more or less about the same height so Erin covered her from head to toe. Hot cheek wriggling against her own, shoulder bones knocking each other's, the surprising swell of breasts against hers, hip to hip, one thigh against another and...

 _No. No. No. No! She can't be turned on right now! How can she be turned on right now when she's smelling like a brewery!_

"Get up. Come on, Sweetie, get _up._ " Kim dragged them both to their knees, _finally_ , grabbed a sodden arm and slung it around her neck, then wrapped her own arm around the soft curve of Erin's waist. "Walk. _Walk._ " she added more sharply and, thankfully, Erin took one wobbling step after another.

"Sorry." she mumbled as Kim guide them both over the threshold and into her bathroom.

"It's okay." Kim sighed, holding her tighter, "You just need a hot shower. You're fine." she manoeuvred them through the doors, and saw her girlfriend's eyes widen as she took in the large bathroom.

There was a good sized, glassed-in walk-in shower and Kim's not too sure that Erin is in any shape to step into a tub tonight.

Erin ran a questing hand over the cool marble surfaces. "Your stuff is so fancy." she sighed, and Kim smiled in spite of herself. Remembering then that Erin have never been to her apartment.

 _Just hers._

She only got this apartment because she had inherited it from her wealthy grandparents.

"Sit." Kim pushed Erin down gently on the little padded stool, and she slumped down obediently. She turned the taps and soon, the room billows with steam.

"You're mad at me." she pouted.

"No, I'm not. Erin - Erin!" Kim grabbed her shoulders, pulling her back upright. "Sit up."

Erin reached for her shirt, missed completely, and fell forward against Kim, who caught her with some effort and hoisted her back onto the stool.

"Just - okay, sit still, let me help you."

Erin slumped sideways in a relatively obliging manner and Kim, after a slight pause, gripped the hem of her shirt and pulled it off over her head. She immediately shivered and Kim trained her eyes away from the soft flesh spilling from the lace cups of her bra.

 _Gosh!_

She wants to look. God knows how badly she wants to, but somehow, this predicament - Erin being drunk - doesn't seem too appropriate for anything intense.

Every inch of Erin was admirable...

 _...like she said she's not looking..._

While her figure - she knows her own figure looks relatively admirable. She've seen plenty of attractive women in locker rooms and for years as a flight attendant and besides, she've never felt this urge. Erin's her girlfriend now. She is something else, almost cartoonishly curvaceous, the swell of her breasts giving way to a tapered waist.

Flinching slightly, Kim helped her rise and does her best to unbutton the fly of jeans. Under her hands the flare of Erin's hips were obvious

Kim grunted slightly - distracted by what's in front of her - cursing softly as she failed, yet again, to work the button through the hole.

Erin giggled and batted at her hands. "You're tickling me."

"Just - can you do it yourself then?" she pleaded and Erin, in response, picked up a strand of Kim's long hair, "Am I a horrible person-" and laughed until a tear ran down one round cheek.

 _Oh, brother._

 _She's drunk crying and drunk crying Erin is no fun to be with._

"Erin, you're not horrible, ok. You're great, actually. Very great. Ok, now, stop crying. And get in the shower." she soothed and unclenched her fingers from her hair and finally, _thankfully_ , got the fly of Erin's jeans open and worked the denim as gently as she can down her hips, trying not to look too closely.

 _Gosh!_

She needs to look. Even just a peek.

She shouldn't look. They've just started dating. They haven't even gone out on a third date yet.

 _Isn't that the rule?_

No sex before the third date.

They've just gone out on their _first_ date a week ago.

"Can you do the rest, or you want me to..." she trailed off.

If she sounds like she's begging, that's because she is. Kim's on her knees on the fluffy white bathroom rug, her face about an inch from the black lace panels of Erin's panties.

The room smelt like the ocean, thanks to her trusted scented candles, and there's a roaring sound in her ears as - resisting the urge to _not_ close her eyes - she peeled the fabric and allowed it drop to the floor.

She's _waxed._

 _Waxed!_

"Make the bathroom stop spinning, Kim!" Erin wailed suddenly.

"I'll try." Kim laughed.

"Can you take your bra off?"

"Can you take _your_ bra off?" Erin chuckled and reached for her shirt.

"No. Erin." she gently push her hands off.

Sighing, she got to her surprisingly shaky feet and reached for Erin again.

"Wanna dance?"

Kim pushed her shoulders back gently and smiled. She've never seen this part of her. She's somewhat childlike. _Happy_. But the fact that she has to be drunk to be happy saddens her. "No, just - okay, stand still - " and awkwardly, she wrapped her arms around her and unclasped the two metal hooks holding her bra closed.

"You didn't even look!" Erin pouted as Kim let the lacy scrap of fabric fall to the ground.

Erin propped her hands on her hips. "You're my girlfriend. You should be looking." she whined.

But that's the thing, she should be looking and wants to - don't get her wrong - but knows if she does, she might not, will not be able to control herself tonight.

Kim noted that her breasts are the exact shape they were in the bra, their buoyancy seemingly defying gravity.

 _She's not looking!...like she've said so many times._

The golden flesh is now capped with the deepest of pink, the hue so rosy that Kim would have assumed it was photoshopped in a catalogue.

 _They're really perfect. And she wasn't looking._

Truth be told, she's actually scared since she's new to all _this_. She has never had sex with a girl before.

 _Shocker!_

And at the speed they're heading to - Erin's already very naked - sex is guaranteed their next stop.

 _She's not prepared._

She haven't watched _those_ videos yet - if asked, even at gunpoint, she's never going to admit to it.

"Let's get you in the shower." Kim gestured toward the still-open glass door and, when Erin just looked at her with confusion, she finally put an arm around her shoulders and guide her to the marble shower. "Go on."

She stick a toe in and immediately pulled back. "It's too wet!"

Laughing, "It's a shower!" she exclaimed.

"Come in with me?"

"Erin, I already took a shower, ok." she lied. She just doesn't want to have sex. _Wait, she actually does._ Not that sharing a shower equals to sex. But she knows, by experience that sharing an innocent shower that's anything but, will always end up to be an hour long hot and expensive shower.

"I might slip!" Erin's forest eyes were huge with worry and Kim sighed.

"Fine. Just-" Kim pulled her tank top over her head and shucked her yoga pants.

 _It's just like the District locker room, it's no big deal._

"I really like your bra baby!" Erin squealed with delight, and as she almost wrapped her hands at her satin blue bra, she grabbed her wrist. Not too hard, but hard enough for her to stop.

"Ow."

"Sorry. Just - let's just get you warmed up, okay?"

"Come in with me!" Erin insisted again and Kim finally just wrapped her arm around her and manoeuvred them both into the shower.

"Ohhhh!" Erin moaned softly as the hot water sluiced around them. The jets are powerful, pounding sore muscles, all at once.

"You're still wearing your clothes." Erin pointed out.

"Well, someone has to." she said under her breath.

 _Get in. Get out. Simple as that!_

Nothing to worry about.

"Huh?" she said as she leaned in closer and Kim took a careful step back.

 _Well, it's not as easy as she thought it'd be._

"Nothing." Kim busied herself, squeezing a palmful of orange and cinnamon scented shower gel between her hands and offered it to Erin.

"What's this?"

"Erin!"

When she darted a pink tongue from between her lips, seemingly reaching for the fragrant gel, Kim yanked her hand back.

"Ok, I'll do it." And she steels herself to the task, rubbing the gel into bubbles, and briskly smoothing it over Erin's shoulders and arms and -

"That tickles!"

Now, she take not of the fact that Erin's a very very ticklish woman.

 _Very._

She mumbled over the blasting water, looking at anywhere but at the beauty that's right in front of her.

She never knew that it could be so painfully difficult to control herself. It feels like she's literally being split into half.

"Do my back?"

"Turn around."

And she's now doing her back. Kim stroked both her hands down the plane of her muscular and toned back. Soaping up someone else in the shower is nothing new to her but the sensation of soft female skin under her fingers is strange, is amazing, is great, is something she've never felt before and that's what's new to her.

Strangeness within a familiar environment.

 _Control yourself, Kimberly. Control yourself. You can get out of the shower with going all the way._

She chanted.

And suddenly, just suddenly, with any warning, Erin moaned with pleasure, startling her, and she froze with guilt for what the fire that's now ignited down in her south, as her hands travelled from the planes of Erin's back to the faint but detectable dimples at the top of her buttocks.

Now she pulled her hands off as if she's been burned.

 _Just the sound of her moaning was driving her insane!_

"Don't stop!"

"Erin-"

"Please?" Erin turned around, green eyes wide. "Please, baby. Please."

She can't. She's going to loose it.

Swallowing hard, "Erin-"

But she just leaned forward, damp lips fitting with ease into the curve of Kim's ear as she whispered, "Turnabout is fair play..."

 _What-about is what-play?_

Kim had only about a second to be confused while Erin, who apparently has been sobering up, made short work of the blue satin protecting what's left of her modesty, what's keeping her from mounting her.

"Hey!"

"Hot water is _terrible_ for lingerie, Kimmy." Erin said reprovingly, and with a wicked grin she reached for the waistband of her equally blue panties and-

"Erin, wait-"

"They're see-through anyway." Erin protested and with surprising dexterity she whisked them to the marble floor.

 _Oh gosh! She's done trying! She almost just lost it right then and there._

"They-"

"I looked." Erin admitted, grinning ruefully. "Why do you look so terrified?"

That's because she is terrified. She has no idea what to do, how to do, and what she should do.

Kim folded her arms around her breasts. "I _am_ terrified, ok." she said, stressing on the 'am' while hot water poured over her naked body and the very naked body in front of her.

"You have nothing to be terrified about." Erin whispered again into her ears and she sucked in a deep breath. Hissing at the body that's pressed on hers. She wondered if Erin could hear her heart beating.

"I see you're old school..." she mused, and as her fingers brushed lightly through the curls Kim keeps somewhat natural - but neatly trimmed - it's finally too much, instinct took over, and the next sound out of the shower was a surprised squeal as Erin's back hit the marble wall.

Then, there were no sounds for a moment except flesh meeting flesh.

Kim pulled away first. "Sorry."

Erin tongues her slightly swollen lower lip experimentally. "Why?"

Then it's now her turn to squeal, her turn to hit the opposite wall this time, upsetting a wooden bath brush and a pastel-coloured pouffe, which floats slowly to their feet.

Her lips were locked on hers and Kim, with one arm was reaching for support somewhere, _anywhere_ , but the walls were too slick with steam and she can't breathe with the water pounding all around them.

 _Why couldn't she have just let herself go in the first place?_

 _Because feels amazing!_

Controlling herself to not have sex is the last thing on her mind now, as Erin grabbed a fistful of her long, wet hair and yanked her head back, feasting on the tender skin at her neck.

"Um, Erin - oh, god..." Kim can't help, crying out when those sharp little teeth scraped sensitive flesh, coughing as water slid into her mouth.

Erin released her briefly and she has only a millisecond to rub a shaking hand across her mouth before she captured her lips again.

She can't seem to get enough of her, grabbing handfuls of whatever slippery flesh she can reach. Her eyes are hooded with lust as she grinned at her, and she smiled back.

"I - I don't know..."

She's doesn't really know, in other words, she's not educated in the mechanics of female-female sex.

But Erin was now moulding her hands with surprising expertise around her hips, in a way that made her think that this isn't all too unfamiliar to her, and Kim tipped her head back against the waterfall and finally let herself go and relax.

"Oh, my god!"

 _This was what she wanted, isn't it?_

Definitely.

And she lifted her against her body, shoving her again into the wall of the shower. _Fuck, that'll bruise!_

She wrapped one leg around her slim waist and gripped at whatever she can as wave after wave of water flowed over her and as she drove her hard into the shower wall.

 _With what?_

 _Fingers. Long and curled fingers._

Kim moaned loudly when her teeth sank into her shoulder. Erin's strong with very impressive upper body strength as she observed with the pads of her finger along her arms. She still has a good grip on one of her legs, enough to flatten her against the slick shower wall and for a fleeting moment she's left to wonder if she's going to screw her right through the marble.

"Erin! Erin!"

She reared back, still doing what she's doing. "What?"

"Don't-"

"Don't what?"

"Don't - " Kim groaned in spite of herself, she's such a fucking cliché, but - "Don't you dare stop."

"Don't worry. I won't." she felt her smile into her hair as she just continued panting her name.

Grinning, Erin then grabbed her other leg to hoist that one around her waist too and Kim's left the earth completely.

She wrapped one arm around her neck, braced the other as best she can on the slippery shower wall, and just hangs on for dear life.

As Kim slid down the wall several satisfying minutes later, she decides that this might just be the best sex she's ever had.

 _Fuck water bills!_

They slump in a tangle of limbs on the floor of the shower while hot steam cascaded around them. It now smelt like her orange and cinnamon shower gel, sweet and tangy all at once, and the heady fragrance of sex. _Doubled_.

Kim reached blindly for the softness surrounding her and her palms were filled with the flesh that she knows everyone's dying to get their hands on.

For good reason, too.

She's shower gel-slippery, her skin impossibly silky, and the puckered roses that had expanded in Kim's hands caused an answering pulse to vibrate between her thighs.

"You are incredible." she exhaled.

"Oh, yeah?" she crept a long finger into her mouth, the intoxicating tang of herself blinded her, never been so lost in lust. Erin then she tangled her fingers in long, dark wet hair and guided her head to the swell of her breasts as she nipped her way down the softness of her belly, the curve of each hip, and then, she's even more drunk with pleasure.

"Oh fuck, Kim!" Erin's hips rose off the marble floor as Kim suddenly understood a decade of men insisting it wasn't a favor, wasn't a chore, but they didn't explain it to her properly, how it's like splitting open a shell to dive into the ocean, the potent feeling of opening her mouth to flesh that seems to be striving to kiss her back.

She certainly has no idea what she's doing except that she doesn't want to stop, and apparently enthusiasm is half the battle because satin thighs somehow wrapped themselves around her neck.

"Kim!"

She can now feel her clenching muscles against her tongue as she drive one final thrust into her.

Panting, they were both grinning at each other now and Kim drew a hand to her glossy lips. And at that moment, they tactfully helped each other to their feet. Erin had to grab her shoulders when her feet hit the slippery surface of the floor.

Kim shut off the taps and they wrap themselves with fluffy white towels.

"Again?"

"On something much softer this time."

* * *

 _ **Hey guys! If you want to read a Linstead story, please check out my story - "** Christmas **" (I highly recommend that you do). Reviews are very appreciated. :)**_


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